Monday, August 30, 2010

out of the dream world

so, i haven't posted anything in quite a long time. that's because i hadn't been dreaming. not like, oh i don't remember my dream, but actually no dreams. i found this out a couple of weeks ago when i was in the hospital. i had pains and found out i had gall stones that needed to be removed. the night before surgery, i was watching the TV when i became tired and closed my eyes. i then opened them a minute or so later. in my hospital there was a crowd of people looking at me. all wearing scrubs, gowns, and lab coats. they didn't move or blink, just stared at me with dull expressions. i then closed my eyes again, still quite tired i might add, and when i opened them i was saying my husband's name. everything was as it should be. this happened one more time that night. that morning, my blood temp was low. the day after i had surgery, i took a nap and dreamt a real dream. i say this because i felt the mood and emotion that i hadn't felt in a very long time that i get upon awakening. i realized after that, that it had been really long since i had felt that. and it spooked me out because the experience i had before the surgery with the somber faces left me with no emotion. i don't really know what to make of this experience, but i know at the time in the room i was not afraid, just... not ready? it's very hard to explain. one theory i have thought of is that i was close to death and those spirits could see that and were waiting to see what would happen, and my calling my husbands name was my way of remembering why i wanted to stay?

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